Clear all countertops of frivolous items, wipe down thoroughly with bleach, wipe down again thoroughly. Begin to gather needed equipment and lay neatly on the freshly and thoroughly wiped-down countertop. Beginning at left, bowl, whisk, a vast array of measuring instruments. Now, have girls go out and gather fresh eggs from under broody hens. Mix up dry milk according to directions on box and set to right of vast array of measuring instruments. Behind this row of preparation, begin a second row with these ingredients: freshly home-ground whole wheat flour, baking soda, (where are the girls with those eggs?), baking powder, vinegar to sour the milk. Plug in waffle iron. The girls return and report that there are two hens trying to sit on 1 egg. They waited for one of them to lay. No success. Drop back and punt. Get out dry egg substitute and ask wife who is familiar with such health food products to mix up. Question her whether or not it will work. Reluctantly accept her answer that it works. Mix precise amounts of all ingredients into mixing bowl in precise order and follow instructions precisely. Put each item away as you finish using it to demonstrate efficiency. Check pantry to make sure wife has purchased syrup. Check. Syrup available in multiple quantities. Ladle precise amount of batter onto pre-heated waffle iron. Use second hand on watch to time the perfect whole wheat waffles perfectly. Gather family to table. Pray. Enjoy smiles on faces of loved ones, especially over-tired wife, and consider the mission a success.
Now, here’s how the writer, when she has slept well, makes the waffles. It might surprise you that she does not reach in the freezer for frozen variety. She does cook. Just a little looser interpretation.
Grab a bowl and plug in the waffle iron. I knew that I would be finished mixing the batter even before it was hot. I was fast and I was good. Just not precise. Throw 3 handfuls of whole wheat flour into the mixing bowl. Wipe hands on apron for dramatic effect. Now, add 3 fingers of baking powder and 2 fingers of baking soda. Leave ingredients out on counter as you finish with them to demonstrate the intricacies and sacrifice which are involved in the production of these waffles of love. Eyeball some dry milk into a quart jar and fill with water and shake and then add a splash of vinegar and let curdle. Now throw in the 1 egg from hen (because you know how to contingency cook) cracked impressively on side of mixing bowl with one hand, and beat as if you were a hungry ex-prizefighter proving he is still worthy of the ring. Brush back sweat from brow when family is looking. Iron is hot. Wipe brow again in attempt to induce loving gratitude from on-looking family. Smile wistfully and serve stack of hot waffles. Ask children to clean up mess, which they will gladly do for the trouble you have gone to on their behalf.